Abandoned
There is nothing left in this cold, cold world.
She left me standing on the small paved road.
The moon was watching like a giant pearl.
I was nothing but baggage to unload.
Her smile was soft and peaceful to me.
Her words were beautiful and comforting.
Her eyes glittered bright and menacingly,
As she left me in the cold, shuddering.
She just walked away with nothing to say,
Commanding me to stop when I followed.
I continued to beg for her to stay,
But she did not stop, leaving me hollowed.
That she would return, I did not believe.
I screamed loudly, "Mother, why did you leave?"
This reminds me of a song I heard before... Evanescence, maybe? They seem to have similar themes. I like the rhyming that you managed to put down, but maybe next time try not to rhyme two words ending with -ing? It gives it a more closed-off sound that leaves the reader a bit let down, as it doesn't sound like there should be anything after it.
ReplyDeleteI love Evanescence! Thanks for the suggestion as well! I get what you mean. I really hope not to write anymore poems but if I do I'll definitely try applying what you have suggested.
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